Ramblings of the mad

I finished the novel

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 14:39:31 GMT

I finished Afterlife: Oblivion last night. My initial title on this work was Afterlife: Spirit, but I just didn't like the ring to it. I am not sure I like the two worded title format either. I have thought about things like The Afterlife: The Spirit Begins, or Afterlife: Oblivion Awakens. The problem is, I just dont know which sounds best, and there is probably a whole host of other titles. What sucks is that since it's in rough draft form, no one but me knows the storyline, and therefore no one can help me pick a title.

So, this post is about the editting process. And how much I really don't know about it. But like any good project manager (And don't get me wrong, this IS a project) I have decided to break out the objectives, and break out the individual tasks to be completed to reach said objectives. So first the objectives:

1. to have a complete flowing storyline/plot
2. to have 3d characters that people can identify as people, and not characters
3. to have a readable manuscript.
4. to a have a manuscript where the writing is actually well done, and more like art, less like stereo instructions.

So, now that the rough draft is finished, and (as usual) my storyline has changed TREMENDOUSLY in the 5 months it took me to write it, I have some rewrites to do. Lets put the tasks out as such:

Part I - the rewrites
1. Rewrite plotlines in the beginning of the book to match the plotlines at the END of the book
2. Fill in plot holes with actual content. I have several parts in the book where I wrote stuff based on a rough idea, that has now been polished, that needs to be filled

Part II - the characters
1. Write out a short biography on each character, based on the new personality traits I have decided they must have, and the histories they have.
2. Re-read the manuscript and decide how in each scene a character should be reacting to the things going on around them based on the new personality traits.
3. Cut some of that "Dude" Dialog so it doesnt sound too surfer-ish.

Part III - the readability
1. Read the son of a bitch out loud, to no one. As I read, I catch things that don't sound correctly, or where another word would have been better.
2. Send it to the mama to help with this process.

Part IV - the prettiness
1. Choose the best wording for scenes. This is an ongoing process, and the damn problem is, it CAN be never-ending. A writer never wants to stop tinkering with the wording. This is where I will need the advice of my friends and family of when to tell me to stop, leave the damn thing alone, and start to submit it. This step might come before I send it to the mama for further editting. Part of me feels that the step of sending it to the mama to edit is the last editting step, whie another feels like its in the middle somewhere. We will see how things go. All I know is that I want it to be at least somewhat readable before she gets it so that she can at least enjoy the story :)

That's the biggest test... will they like the story? will they be entertained enough to be nagging me for the next installment? Will they be able to read the book and understand the plot without asking questions. If they can, I have done my job. If they can't I have done something wrong and need to a little bit of editting still.

Dilemma

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 18:43:02 GMT

Today I came across a dilemma I thought I had gotten past many times before. But it has reared its head again.

I discovered a whole host of new Agents' blogs out at blogger.com. One of them started to talk about Young Adult Fantasy, and portals. My ear perked up.

But it quickly fell down. The agent was saying that its general consensus of editors and agents that the story line of: Child in our world accidentally steps into portal into new world, where something happens and the child becomes a hero is DEAD, DONE, BURIED, PLEASE-NO-MORE.

This sucks - my book has a lot of that concept (except for the becoming a hero - My characters, while maybe heroes to each other, are not heros of the world. Oh, and my characters willingly CHOOSE to go to another world, not accidentally. And my other world is not a fantasy world in the sense that there are castles and knights and elves). I do use a portal, and there are swords, magic, and arrows involved.

So the question (or dilemma) becomes, do I write for publication (What I think the agents/publishers want) or do I write what I want to write, and damn the publishers?

If I stick to the "I write what I want to write" then my stuff needs to be so outstanding, so well written, and so original that it grabs and HOLDS the agents/publisher/editor's attention. If you ask me, personally I don't think my story OR my writing is so great as to do that over the 50 a day other queries that come to these poor agents. I am sure there are a lot of english-department-of-Harvard-Degree people that are writting things much better than mine.

But I feel that if I write for what I think the market wants, I am losing myself. Or rather, I am writing for the wrong reason. When I write my novel, I am putting part of my soul into it - the part of my soul that saw this imagery in my head and translated it to english words to put on paper. Maybe, I feel that not writing what I want to write is selling myself short.

I think that the best thing for me to do is write what I want to, and be true to myself. I fear that this will indeed drop my chances of landing an agent/publisher for the Afterlife series. But then again, I don't really expect that the Afterlife series will be my "breakout" series anyway. I think, if anything, it will be the 5th or 6th novel I write. While that sounds like a lot of writing, it is, but what else would I be doing?

Authors - why are we such asses?

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 18:41:42 GMT

I have a new rant. This rant is also about Authors, and the ego of authors.

I was perusing RejectionCollection.com today while waiting for the email to come in saying that I could work on the database project for work. Writers are getting GREAT rejection slips. They are recieving rejection slips that are form based.

And they go nuts over it. Some of them even saying that the agent wouldn't know good writing or a good story if it hit them between the eyes. Or blaming their rejection on the young college student they imagine is going through the slush pile. And they all have one thing in common - they think what they have written is the best thing ever put on paper. That there couldn't possibly BE another story out there, or other writing, that is better.

Come on people *rolls eyes*. Get with the program. This is stupid. Why is it stupid? Well, first, if the agent is a good agent who has a track history of sales, then OBVIOUSLY THEY KNOW GOOD WORK WHEN THEY SEE IT, and you saying otherwise is stupid. If they DONT have a track history of sales, or any proof that they know what they are doing, then you are still stupid because you submitted to a sub-par agent. An agent who couldn't make sales even if they did accept you.

Then there is the claim about it being rejected by a college kid. Most agencies don't do this - most agencies read the queries themselves. The agents make money when they find an author that sells. They pay their bills and feed their cats from that money. It's in their best interest to find authors that write well, and are publishable/sellable. When they have someone going through that slush pile, that someone is looking for the basics, not the nuances. Look - the college kids/assistants are looking for things like:

Is it the correct genre?
Is it to the correct agent? (no blind sided queries that are obviously mass submissions)
Is it in the proper format?
Did the author pay attention to the guidelines and send what is required? Or did they just send the whole damn manuscript.(In the opinion of many agents, this is a big no-no. If they didn't ask for the whole thing, don't send it.)
Is there any sign of an amatuer (purple paper, perfumed paper, colored ink, bribes, etc)
Are there spelling mistakes/grammatical errors in the submission? ( A sure way to tell that the author didn't spend enough time on their submission, and therefore doesnt think much of the agent)

Then there are those authors who say things in tune with, "How can they tell from the first 2 pages if its good or not? The character was better on page 8!"

Agents AND editors have to think like readers. When YOU walk into a bookstore, you pick out a book - what do YOU do, before deciding to plunk down 8 bucks? you read the first few pages. Hell, maybe you don't even get that far, maybe you only read the synopsis on the back cover. by that you can figure out if you want to buy it or not. You don't sit down and read the entire thing. You most likely dont even read past the first three pages. So, since that experience is what causes you to buy, and buying pays the publisher, and the publisher pays the agent, can you tell me how you expect an agent to apply DIFFERENT rules? If the same process that a reader goes through is the same process that the agent and publisher go through, and your agent and publisher decline, what do you think the reader will do? Most likely, decline.

Rejected Authors keep saying how 'the publishing industry is going to hell' or mutter something about how there is a whole bunch of crap on the bookshelves at Barnes and Noble, how come their superb perfect novel is getting rejected? Buying books is SUBJECTIVE to the reader. Different people get turned on by different things. For instance, I cant stand westerns, nor can I stand romance. But there are some people who LOVE romance, and despise horror. Still there are some that like horror, and like Dean Koontz, but call Stephen King's works crap.

Getting an agent is getting a reader. PLain and simple. Your agent needs to LOVE your work. They need to rave about it, like you do to your friends and family when you find a book that is just awesome. If your agent doesnt love your book, they wont be able to sell it. Period. So your agent is really your first BIG reader. Your first real objective reader, who wants to be entertained. You have 1 page, and 1 idea to impress your readers with. Make it good. If its NOT selling, then examine your hook and examine your first few pages. Change them around and spice it up. Don't sit there and bitch about how agents don't know you're-the-next-stephenKing/DanielleSteele/DeanKoontz/etc etc. Don't get mad at the assistants and start calling them names.

Look at where the blame really belongs for a non-selling manuscript: In the mirror.

PublishAmerica and the expectations of a writer

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 15:29:56 GMT

I have spent some time reading articles by legitimate agents and publishing houses, and some time reading from published authors whome have been published at big houses. I joined the Floria Writer's association, and I started looking around, expecting to find some authors who were, well, versed in what a professional publishing house needs.

I found, on their board, a member of the florida writers association, who was an 'agent'. She boasted that she just sold her client's novel to PublishAmerica, and it can be bought for 16 bucks at amazon.com, etc.

*sighs*

This lady is about as much of a real agent as I am a real CIA Agent. Let me explain why this is the case.

I started researching PublishAmerica. They are a POD (publish on demand) company. This is evident in that PA will publish ANYTHING you send them, with no gatekeeping (although they profess differently). A gentlemen bought an online copy of War and Peace, changed the title to something odd, changed the author to "Travis tea" and sent it off. Wow, what do you know, it was accepted!

The second clue is that major bookstores (Barnes and Noble, Borders, Books a Million, dalton, walden) won't carry their stock IN HOUSE. They will sell it through the website, but not on the shelves. Sorry - they say - they don't stock POD publishers.

Hmm gee, starts to sound like PublishAmerica might not be on the up and up. I found more clues from actual defrauded authors on RipOffReport.com. At the bottom, there were lots of comments from people who defended PA. I couldn't believe what I read.

Any real agent would not submit a manuscript to a POD publisher. End of story. We should all know the rules about agent scams by now. If you don't, here is a run down of how to tell a real agent:

1) Real agents never ever charge up front fees. Authors never pay Agents - agents take a cut of the authors payments from the publishers.

2) Real agents do not submit to vanity or POD publishers.

3) Real agents will not refer you to specific outside services for things like editting. If one does, more than likely they are getting kickbacks. Besides - when your book is accepted by a publishing house, they house has edittors that will do that with you as PART OF THE PROCESS - why pay for it?

Each of those authors who defended PA said the same thing, " I tried to play the agent game, where I crafted queries and sent it off to them, but I kept getting rejections. I tried for a few months and then just gave up. PublishAmerica gives me the chance to make my dreams come true, by giving me a book I can hold in my hands."

What?! a few MONTHS? Come on, people. For a writer, especially a first time (but even established as well) author, rejection is part of life. And a few months, even 6 months, is not enough time. It takes YEARS to get published, and 95% of the time, it will NOT be your first novel that gets you published!

Stephen King, one of the most successful and famous authors of our time, wrote almost a MILLION words, in the span of 4 different novels, and weathered 12 rejections before Carrie was published.

Tom clancy recevied 30 rejections before the Hunt for Red October was received.

Even JK Rowling, the most successful writer of all time, received a rejection before harry potter was picked up.

Everyone thinks they can write. I can't tell you, even as a amatuer writer, how many times I have been told, "YOu know I have this book idea I have been meaning to write down ", or "I have a great story that one day I am going to write into a book". But not everyone CAN write. I have learned that while reading amatuer writing boards. Its the same thing about art- not everyone can draw. Not everyone can play the guitar, or the piano. Not everyone can play football. It's something that takes a fair amount of talent to pull off.

So these average joes come out and write themselves 90,000 words of a rough idea. The idea might be great, but I can tell you the writing will be horrible. They edit it a few times, or they send it to a critique group, and they make a few changes, and its not quite AS rough now, but they think its golden. So they send it out, with dreams of finding an agent/publisher in New York immediately. But the agents and publishers see what it is - bad writing wrapped around a small idea, that will probably not sell. So they get rejected, over and over.

They take it personally, instead of reading the editors personal notes, and taking their advice, they through the rejection down like some sort of mail bomb, and give up. They are vulnerable and desperate. Then they see an ad in Writers Digest for PublishAmerica.

PA accepts their mss, and says how awesome it is. They send out a contract, and tell them how they will be making great money and can write more works. The author is exuberant, and loves PA.

That author will never make a living writing. That author will not learn or grow his/her craft. But that author will defend PA, and their decision to go with them, to the death. Because PA puffs up their ego, and accepts their child - the mss.

I have done my due diligence on this, and I believe I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. Even though my family and my wife think otherwise, to be supportive, I am pretty sure my first novel won't get published. I am fairly certain that the entire Afterlife series that I am writing (four books) won't get published. Instead, what it will do, is receive a large stack of rejections from real, true to life, agents. It will take a few years, not months, before I am able to write a piece of publishable writing that gets accepted.

And even then, if an agent picks it up, they have to sell it to the publishing house. Even the best, the biggest agents, have had Mss that won't sell. It's the nature of the beast. That's yet another big battle, because my book has to go through one (at best) but more likely two editors, then that editor has to pitch it at a editorial meeting - if it gets acceptance there, she has to pitch it to the publisher himself, and it needs to get picked up there before she can even buy the book. So there are three groups of people my book has to impress at that publisher.

But that's not the end. After its been accepted, and editted and proofed and printed, it needs to sell. And selling is all about marketing - the Author has to pound the pavement in everyway he/she can to get the word out. Signings, book clubs, readings, school appearences, speeches, etc. All of that work, just to hope that the book can sell enough copies to cover the initial advance the publisher made to him/her.

And while the author is doing that, somehow they have to produce another book of equal or (preferrably) better quality by a certain deadline because that's what the publishing contract says.

Writing is NOT an easy sit-at-home-or-in-a-coffee-shop-all-day job. It's not an easy ride, or a quick way to get rich. Writing is difficult, time consuming and a hell of a lot of work for not as much payback. YOu have to expect that things move VERY slowly. You have to expect that you will get rejected A LOT. YOu have to expect that its not going to be easy to get your foot in that publishing door and print out your work. YOu have to expect a lot of stress, and a lot of problems each time you write a book.

But true-to-life, real writers KNOW this, and what's more, they ACCEPT this. They don't write because they want to be rich - obviously being in the writing industry is not an easy and quick way to get rich. Real writers write because they have to, they write because its what god has made them to do. The rest of the insane overhead that comes with publishing is just par for the course - they know it, and they do it because they love it.

One time, when I was thinking about becoming a doctor, someone said to me, "You can't really decide to become a doctor because you have an interest in it. You have love it, you have to LIVE it, you have to BE it, or you will never succeed." The same rings true for me about writing. Not anyone can just sit down and become a writer because they have a story idea. It takes ten to twelve years to become a doctor - getting through school adn residency. I have heard successful authors tell me (personally) that it takes about ten years to become a writer for a living.

I know this, and I accept this, and I want this. I am not published yet, nor do I have an agent. But I feel that I am at least slightly prepared as to what will happen when I am done with my first book.

Plead for help

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 12:47:22 GMT

This post is aimed at friends of ours - P & D. I am so very disappointed in our connections lately. I am not sure why, but as a group, you all have been very distant. P seems to be suffering greatly under the influence of the sultan - someone who doesn't appear to like me, or enjoy spending time with me. He never contacts me, never really tries to get together with me. Somehow, this means that you don't seem to come by or call or even write me emails anymore - where did you go, P? I tried and tried and tried to reach out to you guys - p, d, and sultan, to embrace all of your changes and keep the group together, but it was a failing effort - the moment I stopped trying I stopped seeing you. BUt as far as I am concerned, that's fine - if you guys don't really want to hang out with me, that's perfectly fine - you don't have to like me or hang out with me.

I think My Wife needs her friends to come and to kidnap her and take her out somewhere like you used to, to just be silly and escape the testosterone. Us men can be ok and (hopefully) not burn the house down while you are out playing.

What she really needs, is to just have fun - D and P, come and kidnap her, and take her out, and have a good time. Forget your boyfriends, forget your husbands - go and have a girls night out.

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 18:06:47 GMT

I have discovered something about myself, which actually, surprises me.

I read the entire Harry Potter series in 2 months. At one point I was so addicted to it, that I Read every spare minute I had. The only thing that could make me stop reading was being intimate, but then it was right back to the book. I haven't been that excited about a story in a very long time. This is not the thing that surprises me.

I have tried to read other works by other authors in the adult fiction arena since, and have stopped only a few pages in. They didn't have the magic. They couldn't excite me, they couldn't kick my mind into adventure mode. They were too much mundane real life, and not enough get-up-and-go. But in doing a comparison, there have only been two sets of books that have ever stood out so clearly in my mind as awesome reads. They are the Harry Potter Series, and the Robert Langdon series by Dan Brown. What surprises me, is that a lot of the children's books I have read have that spark, that magic, that excitement.

And that excitement has changed the way I write. I used to write like "well, I need to put this in and that in, and I need to write and describe this " - I used to write things that were mundane and boring to me simply because they created believability, or describe mundane and boring things. But now I write what I want, leaving out anything that I find boring. I dont want to fill pages with BS just to make a certain page count. The pace of my novels show this now. Mundane bits that I call Segues still exist, but I make them fun as I can by inserting some humor.

I have also realized the definite bonus that plotting and outlining give me. Large holes in the story, or blocks where I have no idea what to write are much easier to put together now. But I think that it's all this one thing: Let the adventure roam. Whether its flying through the air on a broom trying to catch the Snitch for the Quidditch House Cup, or jogging through the streets of Rome with a Albino Monk trying to kill you before you can get to the anti-matter cannister before the battery runs out - it still all comes out to adventure.

I learned not to be afraid to leap out of reality and show the reader a story that has no rules or boundaries, and my writing is much more fun for me now.

I guess what really surprises me is that I played by the rules in the first place... And that, my friends, is why I do not post any of my work on writing boards, etc to be reviewed. Most people follow the rules on those boards. But I think that usually, that calls for boring prose. I write what I want, edit it how I wish, and I will find a publisher who likes it, even if I have to gain 800 rejections first.

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 13:19:43 GMT

Its been a long time, but I thought I should update my journal, maybe chronicle, if I have the time, the things that have been happening to me inside over the last 6 months.

Truth be told, it really started two years ago, just at the point when I came to realize that I was not living the life that felt right to me. I met the most wonderful person that I ever could have met, and though she never did it on purpose, or with this particular goal in mind, she helped me to take that realization and make it actionable. This is the woman that would later on become my wife, and my most trusted companion. There is no one else that I would share what I share with her, and there is no one else that I would trust more with the most fragile things that live within my heart.

I left my old home, came to Florida, and became part of a whole new world, and a whole new set of people. People that have for the most part, been absolutely wonderful to me. I don't really know that I would be where I am with out the wisdom of my wife's mother. She has helped to illuminate things for me as well.

I have overturned every single part of myself in the last 2 years. Overturned my spiritual beliefe's, my philosophies on life, my job, my skills, where I live, my wife - but those are all secular, for the thing that I overturned the most was myself. My identity, and my sense of who and what I am. I had felt like I was traveling in the dark, blindly feeling around for the next foothold. I didn't know WHO I was... What I wanted to be when I was at the end of my life, what sort of legacy I had to leave on the world. I looked around and felt around, and I felt things that seemed like they were noble, but they didnt fit exactly. What AM I was the question that I asked, over and over. Who Am I? What do I do in life? Making money for a corporation as a programmer is not my aspiration. Money is not my aspiration - it is not something that I can leave as a legacy to my children. It is not something that I can do to help the world.

But the answer had been in front of me the entire time. I am a writer, I always have been,and I always will be. I am a story teller, and I have been blessed with the talent to make up stories and characters with very little effort - it just comes naturally. Whether or not I make money, I will always continue to tell stories.

Recently, before I started writing the Afterlife series, I realized that I was born a writer. That its part of who I am, not just simply something I do. My words, written on paper, or saved in digital format, or in the memories of those who read or hear my words, will live eternally. That is my legacy to the world, and my legacy to my kids. If one person reads my work, and is swallowed into a world that I too was swallowed into, then I have accomplished all that I have ever really wanted to acheive.

And so with that last piece in place, I now can see the path ahead of me. I can see where I want to be when I am on my final death bed.

But not only have I seen this path, but I have started to walk it. So many stand there, illuminated in the path, but scared to step forward. The first novel in the Afterlife series is 40,000 words so far. I have outlined and plotted its entire length, and have rough outlines for the 4 novels after it. I will finish this first book in a month or so (provided I schedule my writing time properly, which is today's goal), and once its editted and polished, start on the next, while sending the manuscript out for publication.

My wife thinks I will be successful enough to where I can earn a living writing. While that would be nice, and I love her for having that kind of faith in me, I am keeping a very modest approach to it. I don't think I will a Stephen King or a JK Rowling, but I know I will be published. And my measure of success is when I receive letters from my readers, telling me they hated it or liked it. As long as they were in that world with me that I wrote.. thats my success, and will continue to be my success.

Right now, whoever is reading this, you are really, in a way my first readers. You can hear my voice in your minds, by the way I put these words on (digital) paper. So I thank you - you are my first dedicated readers.

Until later on -

D

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 17:48:11 GMT

What happened to me today is so funny that I have to put it in my journal. Apparently the IT industry around here is getting desperate for employers. I updated my resume on careerbuilder.com yesterday, apparently pushing it up to the top of the resume list.

I go to lunch today with my co-worker, Chris. We are walking back to the office (applebees is only one building away down the street) and my cell phone rings. I see a number I don't recognize, so I answered it. It always fun to make fun of someone who got the wrong number, I am thinking.

Its a woman, with a heavy heavy accent, I cant understand then first 50 words out of her mouth. Here is a transcription of the conversation.

Me: "hello?"
Her: "jklfdsa fdslafjdslafjdslkafjdslajfdlsa'fdsia0p2390re8jcndwa8934u 9u84217fjafjda980 270adhfsafhdsuaoiy79082q"
Me: "uh... ok"

This time, she stopped and said something I could actually understand.

Her: "I have an opportunity for you in Florida. I got your resume on careerbuilder.com"
Me: "Ok What is it?"
Her: "Oh ok we can go into the details now"

As if I wanted to have idle fjdsalk;fds chit chat before hand. I can only assume the whole purpose of her call was not to talk in fdjslakfdsja but to talk about this job opp.

Me: "Yes that would be good"
Her: "It's a job that requires Java/JSP, COldfusion, Model 2, ActionScript, Flash, HTML, ASP, VBScript and SQL. Strong experience in OOP and OOD is required"
Me: "That's fantastic. Except that I dont know Java, Coldfusion, Flash, and I have never heard of Model 2"

At this point, the insanity starts. I figured that for sure, she would go "ok I'm sorry I didn't really read your resume, I just printed it out to line my birdcage. Sorry I wasted your minutes". But instead, the following happened.

her: "Oh that's quite ok, they dont really require the exact skills"

So why did they start it with "this job requires"??

Her: "THey are mostly worried about OOP and OOD. You have experience in those areas don't you?"

Apparently she remembered seeing the part where I have done VB 6 and .NET and C++ while she was folding my resume into the perfect hexagon shape for the birdcage.

Me: "Yes I do. I have done VB 6 for 8 years, .NET for 1.5 years, and C++ for a couple years, a long time ago. I have tried to avoid java my entire career."
Her: "Hahaha fdsjaklfdjsalfdslakgjlfaghdsa me too, I like C+, I mean C++ much better than java. jflskajfdlsajfldsa"

Now it goes from insane to jump-naked-into-a-flaming-hurricane-spawned-from-natural-gas-and-razor-blades crazy.

Her: "Oh, this opportunity is in Jacksonville, Florida."

Now I know jacksonville is only 2 hours away. BUt thats far beyond my willing-to-sit-in-traffic meter. I decide at this point to see exactly how many brain-eating parasites this lady has.

me: "Uh thats like 5 hours away from me."

I smile smugly after saying that, waiting for the response of "oh, I accidently set my map of florida on fire during my last frat party trying to light beer farts." There is simply no other accurate response.

Her: "Would you be willing to drive there and stay for the week if the company paid all travel expenses?"

I start laughing. THere is simply no way to measure this level of madness. I decide to push the flaming envelope even farther off the cliff -

Me: "Yeah for like 80K a year"

Now my first reaction was more like 100K a year. But I didnt want to tip mrs. fjdsla;kfdsa off that I was screwing around, so I stuck with 80k.

Her: "OK, I don't think that will be a problem. HFDfskafdslafdsla9203lkjdal9 498021lfdsal;-03fdwaj8914 what does that come out to in per hour?"

At this point, tears are running down my face, and I am carrying a load in my pants. No company on earth is crazy enough to pay 80k a year to a guy who lives 5 hours away and only konw 40% of what they need. Unless its the company made by the Redneck Bandit that makes money by stealing acorns from squirrels and selling it back to them for 25 cents. And thats only to distract him while the other squirrels run off with his "stash".

Me: "Uh.. uh.. heh, I think that's about 40 dollars an hour."
Her: "Ok I put that on the submission."
Me: "Is this a contract or a perm position?"

I am falling into the madness with her. Effective fdsafdsafdsa language seems to work on me! Damn the gods of fdsafdsafdsa!

Her: "fdjskalg90-32q90lkja80-1 32109456#$%^##@ fdasfjdaslk 8492qj"
Me: "WHat? I really didn't get that at all."
Her: "Its a year contract, with long last effects after wards"

What kind of effects? Radiation poisoning? Aids? Cancer? Growing another penis on my elbow? I am beginning to understand that the translation of fjdslafjdsal;fjdsa89 doesnt go to english very well. I think that typing the conversation to her via email might work better.

Short conclusion to this story - she is submitting my resume to this company. I asked her (via email) if they would let me work remotely at least part of the week. She said she would ask them.

Normal non-fdsafdsajkl speaking people will understand that in reality, this proposition is far too good to happen. Its far too good for normal people to even DREAM about. But this lady, princess &shj@ of fsajkfldsa world, knows for sure that it will happen. And in the fjskalfjdsla; world, it must be common place. I asked the great master "smoking-tree" in the parking lot what he thought of the situation. He responded that the squirrel/acorn swindle is doing really well this year, and is increasing their profits through stock options and diversified leverages.

Maybe the Redneck Bandit really knows his stuff.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 13:30:57 GMT

This weekend, technically, yesterday, marked two years exactly since my first visit to florida.

A lot has happened in that time. I got engaged and married to my angel, the most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure to be with, we bought a house and are furnishing it, we faced 3 hurricanes and came out ok, and I got the best job I have ever had.

When I look back on things, I dont regret any of my decisions the last two years. Each has made me smarter, for good or for bad, and each has brought me closer to success. Working for the city taught me humility (although I disliked doing it), working for IMC taught me the difference between right and wrong, and what its like to be on the wrong side of the fence. It also taught me a respect for companies that do things the right way. It gave me a huge chance to increase my skills, and taught me how NOT to hire someone.

Buying a home taught me about investing, and money, and how to stand up and fight back against companies that are treating you badly. Also this year, I learned that sometimes no matter how long you have known someone, sometimes you dont really know them. It taught me that when it comes to people, largely my gut feeling about them are correct - and when your gut says get away, its usually right. The english taught me that lesson, and several other valuable lessons. They have done me a favor by being what they are.

So this weekend we got my office and the spare bedroom organized and put together (complete with a new desk). I hurt my back though, at some point, and I couldnt go with my angel to the july 4th thingy that the city puts on every year. That was a real disappointment for me - but there was no way I could have done it. I could barely walk. As is our tradition we went out to Amigos for dinner and then to a movie ("Mr and Mrs. Smith") god that movie was great :)

Putting together the desk was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed working with my angel on it. I dont think the time could have been spent any better. She is great to work with, an excellent partner in construction :) gives me high hopes for when we do the bigger and more involved projects.

Thats all for now. Hope everyone else had a great 4th. See ya later!

The Home Improvement saga Continues...

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 20:20:34 GMT

Well, its been a good week, and not many frustrating things have occurred, which has meant no need to vent in the journal.

However last weekend had its moments. It started when my wife and I went to home depot - IN HER CAR. I thought that it would be ok since we were just getting little things.

WARNING - if you are a man, do not read any further.

Do we get to home depot and I buy the PVC pipe fittings I need and the drip line system I need and a few other small things. I also got a nice new compound miter saw with a laser on it - very nice to use on the fence boards to make them fit the trash. And then we come across... the patio chairs.

We have been wanting these things for a while, cuz well, the only other thing to sit on are concrete blocks left over from our lazy previous owners. So we get to these and I point out that they wont fit in her car. Thats about where my wisdom ends. Somehow I convince myself that they WILL indeed fit (TWO adirandak chairs in a tiny little toyota corolla that barely fits 4 PEOPLE).

So we buy our stuff and get out to the parking lot to the car. The saw goes in the trunk, just fine. The other things go in the trunk, just fine. Then it comes to the chairs. You know, I never really realized how oddly shaped these things are. I can get them in to her back seat IF i force them - however we would never be able to get them out. So I try several different ways.

My wife suggests that I just take her car and go and get my truck and bring it back... I ignore it for the moment - I am Manly - Man! I can MAKE it fit! after all they are just tiny little chairs.... So I keep trying, thinking that there is SOME angle that will work... So she says "or we can just ask home depot to hold them for us while we go and get them". I spout off probably the dumbest thing ever - "No, I can do this" followed up by "They wont hold it any way, and I don't trust that they will still be here when we return" - Its a ten dollar chair... so I continue to find the magic angle that will somehow brreak all the laws of phsyics and allow two objects to occupy the same space at the same time... meanwhile, my wife, realizing that the Manly - Man personality is in control, takes a seat to watch the fun and comedy.

So then I move to the front seat - its bigger opening and the seat lays down! perfect! Right? nope. Still wont fit no matter what angle it goes in at. My wife is back to making the smarter suggestions of different ways, which of course Manly - Man shoots down, because as we all know, Manly - Man can not let his wife find a solution HE has to find the solution...

So the wife takes the chairs away from me, takes them into home depot, and comes back with a will call note. It took her 5 minutes. It took me 35 minutes to figure out that I was never going to be able to get these chairs into the car. The funny part about all of that is that Manly Man came out because I wanted to SAVE time by just stuffing them into her car and not having to get the truck. IN the end Manly Man ended up causing me more time than I had listened to my wife.

I am beginning to see a trend here. My wife is damn near always right. And yet She is always so patient when Manly Man appears. I think that deep down inside she knows it's only a matter of time before Manly man is defeated by whatever it is he is trying to do and comes to the same realization that she just did.

You would think that since I KNOW that Manly Man will be defeated AND that I KNOW that my wife is always right when it comes to Manly Man that I would not allow Manly Man out of his cage. But NOOOO.... this is a failing of mine. And apparently a failing of every man. THink of how many countless hours could be saved and wars not invested in had the Manly Man in all men been shut down in the first place.

Anyway.. suffice to say she was right... again... and The chairs are now on our porch. From now on, I am taking my truck to home depot, so that I can't allow Manly Man to show up... too much...

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 13:20:47 GMT

*yawns* didnt get much sleep last night. For some reason I awoke at 4 AM, and couldn't get back to sleep. Came in to work today, with nothing to do since I am waiting on another programmer to grant me the latest code for one of the larger systems we have running here.

Maybe its just me being tired, but I decided to go and see if the english bastards had maybe changed their tune and decided to let the whole thing drop. Suffice to say that in fact they had not, and were, in fact accusing me of things I didn't do, calling me a liar, and posting it on their blog where the whole world could see it. Since its what they accused My wife of, I think it's funny that they are turning around and doing the same thing. It made me angry, but then I just let it go.

It's sad to know that they are beyond redemption - that they can never be forgiven for their crimes and their sins. If I believed in hell I would that's where they are destined. So many things I have learned about them, and their treatment of me behind my back when we were supposed to be friends, that I can no longer bring myself to even want to care, or try to bring them in to my good graces. I have said that I have hated few people in my life, and now they are on that list. It only holds one other person - a previous friend who stabbed me in the back so badly that it nearly cost me everything. Hatred is, unfortunately, a powerful emotion for me. One that, in my past, caused me to be a very bad person. While now that I am older and wiser for the things I have done, I will not repeat those things - I can say that I will never have cause to be civil to the english, or hope for anything else but for them to return to the country they belong in.

In any case, After deciding it was better to just cut them off than to risk my hatred getting out of control and sending me to a place I don't want to go, I deleted them from all of my contact points, and permanently blocked them from being able to contact me. If they dare attempt to contact me, in any shape or form, I will get a restraining order against them. If they violate that, they will be sent back to england. The point is - Leave me alone. Don't fuck with me any more.

Now that the unpleasantness is done with, on to good things. My fish had babies this morning. I have at least 2 little orange platty fry swimming around in my tank. My one gourami has gotten sick - Swimm Bladder Disease. Unfortunately there is no known cure for it, and he will pass on. It's sad because the gourami are my favorite. Oh well, some things can't be helped. Got to take the good with the bad.

as for home improvement - I went outside to tackle "the vine" last night. It was here that I discovered that its actually 3 different vines. We will call them evil, Evil Jr. and Supreme Evil. Supreme evil is known that way because it has thorns. Lots of sharp thorns. It appears to be a grapevine, or a derivative of a grapevine. 3 hours of pulling, sweating, and BLEEDING (thanks to supereme evil) I found out that the huge bushes I thought I had are near measley sticks. The huge foliage was the 3 vines. Evil and Evil Jr. were pretty easy to get off of the plants. But Supreme evil wanted to stay, and wanted to stay so bad I had to cut a limb off of the shrub to get the vine free. As I am doing this, I start to smell something... something really nasty. I take a step back, and boom - knock over a trash can. Water immediately starts to flood the area I am standing in. Let me back up - its rained everyday for the past 4 or 5 days, and the can was full of water and dead weeds. Well what happens when water + dead weeds + 90 degrees of sunlight for 10 hours a day gets all mixed? That's right, nasty brown stank-ass stew. So I am now standing in 1 inch of stank-ass stew, mud, and Supreme Evil.

It was at this point that I decided to go inside and call it a day. Stank-ass Stew is not something I wanted to stand in while fighting supreme evil.

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 13:43:37 GMT

My writing it about to start again :) tonight I am going to try to put some stuff down on paper. I have decided to start again because I found out that the reason I stopped was invalid in the first place.

I have learned that one of my english enemies, the female one (Yes I know she was born in america, but you know, if you sound like english, you smell like english and you walk like english, then you are english) has talked shit about me to others behind my back even before I met her in person! Which is funny, because when she was around me she said great things and smiled to me and acted like a friend would, but then would turn around and talk shit about me (mostly my writing and for some reason, other personality traits she thinks I have which I don't, and even past reasons for such! LOL she doesn't have any idea of my past!). Anyway, I find this to be true evil. Even my real enemies, before these english bastards became my enemies, have more honor. My honorable enemies talk shit straight to my face.

So in that case, that makes anything she has ever told me invalid. Which means her "friendly" critiques and comments about my work are all invalid. I have also learned that she is so called "published" - I found out that this means she once wrote a non-fiction article about nursing and had it printed in a magazine about nursing. How can this transpire to a fictional NOVEL? It doesn't. There is no comparison.

So I am going back to writing. Have a pretty cool storyline built up for this one too. I have a stories.com (or writing.com if you prefer) account, but its closed, locked and shut away from anyone. So if you could figure out the name I am using on there, you wont be able to get access to anything. I am not yet ready to unveil any of the new storylines I have been working on in my head (soon to be on paper). When its ready I will allow a few select people to read them (you know who you are).

Who knows, maybe the english bastards will end up as the supreme arch-villian in my latest book. In fact I can at least garauntee a cameo, with names changed, of course, to protect the guilty.

Back to work.

Why people should die

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 12:34:26 GMT

Why people should die

There are only a few times in my life that humanity has surprised me with its ability to make me wish that all nuclear war heads would erupt at the same time and wipe out all life on earth. There are creatures, mostly human, that seriously shouldn't be alive. Should not have ever been born. You might think I am writing about my English enemies, but alas, this time someone actually sunk lower than they could (or have yet).

I am dressed in a colored green shirt, with some light green leaves on it (typical florida shirt) and its COLLARED. I am wearing business slacks (khaki) and brown dress shoes. My hair is long, but is nicely combed and brushed.

I get in the elevator to go to the top floor today (where I work as a computer engineer, bringing home a TON of money each month) and so do these three "ladies". One of them, about 60 years old, with GIANT puffy hair that is supposed to be white but she has "colored" it yellow. Not blonde, but yellow. She is wearing about 100 pounds of makeup - so much that it magnifies the wrinkly cracks in her skin rather than hide them. She has on bright blue eye shadow, and bright red lipstick. She is overweight, but not by a lot. Wafting off of her like a cheap whore on the corner of OBT and washington, is this disgusting flowery smell that quickly overtakes the elevator.

I ask the other "lady" if she could push the button for floor 4. This aforementioned hoe turns around too me, her eyes blazing like she just shot up 3 eight balls of speed, and she is DROOLING (yes I am not exaggerating) when she says "And what is on that floor way up there?!" (she shouts at me, like I am hard of hearing).

"DBM" I say, and SMILE. She looks confused. I say "DRAKE BEAM MORRIN. Outplacement Consulting" Then she goes "WOW, must be a whole bunch of hippies up there!" then promptly turns and waddles off of the elevator. Now, normally I wouldnt be offended by someone saying I am a hippie. I think with my long hair and my goatee that I must kind of look like one (however every picture of jesus I ahve ever seen he looks exactly the same -long hair, goatee). But this holier than thou bible humping floosie (she had a bible in her clear-with-pink-flower-print bag) meant it to be an insult to me.

I don't understand why people have to insist on shoving their views/values at others. I could have gone the rest of my life and not heard or smelt that awful woman. I am sure there are several people who share the same opinion of her with me (because I am obvisouly not the first person to be violated by her 'ethics'). In any case, Thats all I have to say about that. Back to work.

Backyard fun

Fri, 20 May 2005 19:08:53 GMT

My backyard

So when we bought this house, everything was great, including the backyard. I only took in the major details, like the gazebo, the shed, the stone pond in the center of the patio.... I didnt really look enough to see that the yard had been neglected for 20 years.

yes 20 years. the "beds" that had been marked seperate from what I assume used to be grass were marked with red bricks (not landscaping bricks, BUILDING bricks). No problem. I knew about that. The sprinkler system that is driven off of a natural well (COOL!) was broken too - all the PVC pipes and heads were broken or snapped. I knew about that as well.

But it wasn't until after I started to really dig into the yard after we bought the house that I noticed the previous residents had decided the backyard was the absolute best place to turn into a garbage dump. What I thought was a pretty green and brown back yard was actually green and brown smashed beer bottles. OK I exagerrate, but not by much. Beer bottles, cigarette butts (IN THE POND!!!!!), spoons(!!), paper plates, plastic wrap, chewed up army men toys, toy cars, piles of wood so old and neglected that the earth had swallowed most of them and digested part of it already. A section of fence had coem down in the hurricane. Pick it up? Nope, not our heroes! they just left it there to rot (literally). Tree branches from teh same storm fell. Pick them up? of course not... even when the city was offering FREE LIMB REMOVAL - they just left them where they fell.

And lets talk about the "lawn" in the back. I think there might be 2 blades of grass - the rest is weeds. some are even nettles (how nice). Weeds EVERYWHERE. Not one full solid inch of grass. So we have weeds, broken fences, various pieces of trash, tree limbs, and a severely destroyed sprinkler setup. Sounds pretty challenging, doesn't it?

But my favorite thing, my absolute favorite, has got to be the christmas tree. Stuffed behind the shed like some kind of dirty little habit, is a christmas tree skeleton from at least one year ago. Now again, remember the city offers FREE CURBSIDE PICKUP of xmas trees in january too... So they drag it the equal amount of distance and store it behind the shed. Perhaps they were hoping old saint Nick wouldn't leave for the year if they left the poor christmas tree to decompose behind the shed. Perhaps they thought they could use it again next year, then discovered the horrible truth of death. Whatever the reason, its there, and now I have to get a chainsaw to cut it up and dispose of it for them.

So you thought it ended there? oh no, my poor reader. It only gets worse. In Florida, not only do responsible humans have to take care of the PLANT life, but they have to take care of the BUGS too. Otherwise they get infested with all sorts of creepy things. You can probably guess this, unless you are a 2 year old who has an attention span of 3.8 seconds, but no, they didn't do a darn thing about the bugs either. So the ground moves. Roaches (a florida favorite), fire ants (A florida infection), regular ants, spiders, wasps (EVERYWHERE a wasp could make a nest, there is one).

So its almost 2 months into living here, and I have since cleaned up MOST of the garbage (will it all ever go away?), gotten rid of all of the tree branches. The fence is broken into bits and slowly disappearing, the wasps are gone, the fire ants and I have a current truce (because nothing short of a nuclear warhead can make them go away permanently) and I have 1 bed finished (planted, fertilized, mulched and edged with *gasp* real edging). Bed number two is coming along, and I have 40% of the spinkler system dug up (going to replace most of it with drip - lines).

I can see some new problems (oh wait, I mean challenges, for you hippy types) coming my way though. It looks as though the fire ants are mounting a new offensive by coming up from under the patio (not easy to get to) and my sprinkler trenches. And there is this vine... I dont know what kind of vine it is, but it does not flower, or do anything but wrap around the few live shrubs that were there when we moved in and choke the life out of them. It doesnt seem to have a SOURCE, as the more of the crap I chop, the more I find. its like trying to dig a hole in florida sand, you can dig for 3 days and still only be 6 inches down becuase the damn sand fills itself back in. The vine is everywere. At first I thought my shrubs were HUGE and healthy. But they are actually these little shriveled puny little sticks. They looked huge and healthy because of the 22,000 pounds of vine that was wrapped around them.

Whats fun about messing with this vine is that my neighbor, an older lady with some sort of mental disorder, comes out every time and starts talking to me. But its never anything that makes sense. things like "the sky is blue because the ants are out". One day she asked me what I was doing. I told her "I am taking the vine off of my shrubs because its killing them." She told me to call the police and then told me that green is a pretty color. At least it makes me laugh.

Don't get me started on the front yard. Thats another story.

To them

Mon, 02 May 2005 14:10:10 GMT

I know you are reading this, so come on, bring it on. You wont even get close to being able to move me past this point. say what you want - you're wasting your breath and making me laugh. Do what you want, you can't touch me, you can't hurt me, and from this point on, you can't even make me mad. So bring it on, bring your entire game to me,you will be sadly disappointed. Your attempts have been feeble at best, because although you tried to make it to my severe shitlist, you didn't. You tried hard to be at the top of the list of the people that I consider hated enemies, but you didn't. I hold more power than you do, because at this point I still ahve the power to forgive you, something you don't have. I still have the power to try to end this thing peacefully and make friends with everyone - you don't. You have shown that you are too weak, because you haven't tried, not one bit.I pray for your souls, and I pray you find out what its like to have humility, to be forgiven and send forgiveness out.

Now go back and think about this, because I am done.

why

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 12:37:35 GMT

Yesterday was a bad day.

I found out that my cousin, who joined the army reserves, is going to Iraq this coming monday. He doesn't know where, or what he will be doing. We all hope it's behind the desk stuff, but you never know. And even then he won't be safe. Ragheads blow up everything with a US stamp on it, including contractors and Aid workers.

He will be stationed there for 18 months. No coming home for visits, few phone calls, if any (he is in the intelligence sector, as his primary job function, and as such is not allowed contact with the outside lest something important get slipped out)

so to take out my frustrations, I went out and bashed up that old fence that had fallen down during the hurricanes last year that the previous owners decided to just let lay there.

Underneath, I found this long... wooden structure, with a cement foundation. I have yet to explore it as I only got 2/3 of the fence removed. Every horror movie I have ever seen starts off like this, and it makes me wonder if I should be the guy that I always complain about being so stupid in the movies and explore it further. Curiosity is getting the best of me though.

Along with that I forgot to do a whole bunch of other important shit, like pay a bill, and find my old truck title so I can send it to toyota. Tonight I will have to find it. I hope they can hold on, the stupid lady that called didnt leave a phone number in my voice mail to call her back, OR her name.

Yesterday was not a good day. Today doesnt seem to be shaping up to be all that fantastic either, as my wife was edgy and irritable this morning (she always argues with everything I say or don't say when she is in a bad mood). I am not sure why, although I think its because she didnt sleep well. That seems to be the norm though, and I am not sure why. It worries the crap out of me because her restless legs are way way way worse than before, and they are getting even more worse every week. Her headaches are worse, coming far more frequent and gaining in intensity. I am getting impatient with the doctor to try to find a diagnosis of why she hurts all the time. I think the restless legs, headahces and being tired 100% of the time no matter what her amount of sleep is all related.

Help us all, Lord and Lady, Help us all.

Home improvement chronicles

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 12:28:28 GMT

Well, This weekend proved to be a rather nice weekend. The weather was PERFECT, and the HI (home Improvements) projects actually seemed to go well. Since we are saving money to start on teh addition to the house, we are focusing on only little things (such as the landscaping).

I have a huge plan for the back yard, complete with natural stream beds and bridges, walkways, trellis, arches, patio furniture and BBQ. One step at a time though - clean up the yard first. The previous owners were rather slobbish in regards to the back yards: beer bottles, cigarette butts, limbs and branches everywhere, even a downed fence that they just left there from the hurricanes. Some of the trees are growing way way way out of control (over the gazeebo, dangerously).

So first step - remove yard debris. I broke up one of the 3 piles of branches on saturday morning while my wife was out working (poor her, she had to get up at 6:30). Then noticed a new problem later on that day - Fire ants. Theyare EVERYWHERE out there. I must have counted 15 mounds, and probably dozens more I can't see. So off to target for some nice poison.

Once that stuff works, I am going to finish cleaning out theyard, and then rip out all of the old sprinkler lines. They are all broken, and probably not where I want them. so out they come. Then is planned to start building the raised planting beds I want, and then we shall see.

Sounds like fun, right? :)

I am not a plumber

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:55:39 GMT

I am not a plumber.

This is a very true statement. We now have our new home, and have mostly moved in. Well, at least there aren't as many boxes as there used to be sitting around. This being the case, I have recently decided to start trying to fix things that are broken/not working properly around the house.

The first attempt at this brilliant plan was to try to stop the kitchen faucet from dripping. After looking at the dismal condition that the existing one was in, I decided that I would just replace the entire thing with a new one. I like the ones that have a single knob to go from cold to hot/on and off. I also like the sprayers that are the actually spill tube as well.

So down to home depot. 100 dollars later ( and two trips, because the first one I bought was MISSING PARTS!!!!!!! friggin people ) I have my new faucet.

Now not being a total nimrod I figure the first step is to shut off the valves to the water so that I dont have to replace the walls and the carpet along with the faucet. That part was easy. Now I can see the little flexible hoses that connect each handle of the faucet to the hot and cold water lines. So I disconnect those. Easy.

I look up above that to where the hoses connect to the faucet handles and see the absolute worst idea/invention man has ever come up with in the plumbing industry. I dont know what the damn things are called, but they look like a giant wing nut that can only be finger tightened/loosened. Except that 30 years of rust and other indescribable stuff has permanently plastered these babies into some sort of petrified cement.

I bashed around and spoke in the language of home improvement (consisting mostly of four letter words and lots of gutteral growls) and finally got ONE of them to come off. At this point I am hot, sweaty, full of the disgusting crap from the bottom of the faucet handles and crammed in to the kitchen sink cabinet (yes, amazingly my fat ass can fit in there). But the second one WILL NOT BUDGE. It is bonded by that high-epoxy super goop that only years of food waste/suds/water/rust/plastic/metal can create.

For a small hair brained minute I look at the disposal and sewer lines and wonder how bad it would be to take the entire sink out to remove this one damn wingnut thing. Then I remember, I am not a plumber, and decide against that.

After much messing with it, I got the faucet loose enough where the bottom part of the handle could be viewed and messed with from above the sink (no more cramping!). My wife, being as patient and loving and sweet as she can be, suggests "Why don't you take your utility knife and just cut through the washer from the top". I of course, being Mr. Man, and Mr. Know-it-all tell her it wont work cuz of some kind of bullshit I made up. SHe smiled at me patiently and went back to playing with her candle.

Ten more minutes of trying uselessly to free the wing-nut-from-hell, I take my utility knife and cut through it. 2 seconds later I have the faucet off.

It's really not funny that women are allowed to be so smart and men so dumb. Really.

So the new faucet went on without a hitch. Tightened up all the connections. Turned on the valve to start the water flowing in. New problem - the valve handle decides to leak if its Open all the way or if its Closed all the way. It seems to only be happy when its somewhere in the middle (which I found, thank god). More on this little interesting tid bit later.

So the faucet works. And it doesn't drip. I am the hero of the moment and take many minutes to congratulate myself, even though it was my wife who really solved all the problems. But what kind of man would I be if I had not taken all the credit for the home improvement?

So that was saturday. Now its tuesday. The new fridge and stove have been delivered. Luckily we find out that the water line for the ice maker is already back there, with the nut on it, its just turned off. SO the fridge installation guy (who was quite disgusting and reminded me of those redneck men that really AREN'T funny to look at) connected the line to the fridge (making the connections so tight that I can not possibly believe he used only his hands to tighten them. But he did.). They left.

My wife, the florida hottie herself, and I spend the next 10 minutes pulling the plastic protective covers off of our new appliances. Everything is shiny, including the growing puddle of water coming from beneath the fridge. I immediately get aggitated.

Pull the fridge out, see that the line is leaking. Its got a split in it that amazingly only showed up after redneck-man left. So I go under the sink and turn the tap-valve for the line off. For a good ten minutes I really thought that off meant off. But even though the valve is completely closed, there is still water comin from that split. So I decide that its because its pressurized. Speaking the home improvement language, I finally seperated the two lines. ANd it kept dripping. In plumbing, I have learned, off doesnt always necessary mean off. SO I go back to the valve and tighten that SOB as much as I can.

Now the valve handle is dripping water AND the line is still dripping water. great. It occurs to me that right now at that moment one end or the other is going to leak. I also figure out that the valve for the fridge line, just like the valve for the water shut off, doesnt like to be in on or off mode, just in the middle mode. I get it to become a slow drip by finding that sweet spot.

My lovely patient wife, comes in and tells me that we should go to home depot and get a new line, that way if it still leaks, at least it will be running in to the fridge where it is supposed to be. I growl and gurmble about home depot being closed, which its not, so we go.

At home depot we meet Plumbing-God (who wife thinks is cute, by the way. My ego is shriveling to the size of nuetron at this point). PLumbing-God tells me all about how to re do all of the plumbing under the sink. I smile and nod, knowing that I will pay someone to do that before I ever stick my head under the sink again.

He gives me the parts I need to fix the fridge line, briefly explaining how to put it together. We go home and I decide to not be aggitated anymore. Was a good choice, as I accomplished much more. Wife leaves me to my own devices (probably good, or I would have just embarrassed myself more). I find that I can not remove the old fridge line cuz its stuck behind the counter. ANd I mean STUCK. Oh well, I cut it off.

This means I get to drill new holes and re-run the new line from scratch. No problem, I do so, contorting myself into all kinds of unnatural positions that I remind myself to remember for sex later on.

Finally the line is in and I start to try to put the ends on. This is where I remember that Plumbing-God of Home Depot didnt explain to me how Compression Fittings work. Or how to put them together. I get one side on (the valve side) but the fridge side wants to blow the line out of the fitting with just the tiniest bit of pressure.

After an hour of calmly sitting and looking at the packages and trying to figure out what the instructions mean, I finally see that the compression fittings work by squishing the back end of the line and flaring up the front end. This is accomplished by TIGHTENING the fitting to its mate. The harder the tightening, the tighter that pinch and the better the connection.

Drips at both ends are stopped and the water flows wtih a 30% pressure release all night no problems. Tonight I am going to turn it to 50% (where it will stay if all goes well) and move the fridge back to where it belongs. This all has basically taught me what I knew when I started playing with this:

I am not a plumber.

I am a computer programmer. My money will pay the plumber from now on.

Luckily I can do the other types of home improvment. We shall see how the window installation goes in a few weeks.

oy.

trying for that new job

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 19:55:17 GMT

So I am trying to get out before the ship that is this place sinks. Posted my resuyme to a few places and got some bites. Even one place extended me a verbal hiring. But it seems the CEO is dragging his feet on hiring me. I dont know what the hell... . I have like four agencies out looking for me for jobs, and yet..

Still my phone is silent

This silence is not only deafening but driving me insane. I suppose its a good way to teach me patience. it physically makes me crazy, so I am trying to find interesting things to spend my time on - such as learning 3d computer graphics math. I have always wanted to be smart enough to know it. And I am TRYING to..... so far so good.

Hey who knows, maybe one day I will actually learn how to make that game I have been trying to make since I was like...10

anyway, will let you know if this fucking phone ever rings....

hello back to stress again

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 13:26:15 GMT

you know the vacation was great, but now its back to work/life/stress

I have to:

Package up my gifts for well, everyone. wrap them or not? nope, not going to, christmas was a month ago. Just going to send them in little gift bags in a box.

finish the thank you notes that wendy has already done, adding my personal touch. This might get bumped off the todo list if it gets too crowded.

find my god damn school books. I bet half fo them are in storage, and the other half are burried in boxes here somewhere. maybe I should keep looking to try to find the phone number

work with My Angel to try to find a decent place to live

Try to find my truck bank contract so I can go to fairwinds this weekend

Deposit all those checks into my fairwinds account

Change my b of A account over to fairwinds

on top of that, I have to work and write, and take care of my fish. Not going to be cooking anytime this week, that's for sure.

Been biking 30 minutes hardcore thursday, and yesterday, and tongiht and throughout the week. Dunno why, but working out seems to have my libido going insane. I hope that levels out. I hope I see results. I know I am starting to FEEL better, even if only slightly.

so hopefully I can get some writing done. With all this other shit I have to do, its going to be impossible. I have to try to stuff it in there somewhere, cuz I really want to start putting this story down on paper. I can see each part in my head, but I need the bloody time to do it. Livin gwith the folks makes it nearly impossible to do it too, cuz everytime I have sat down to write so far, someone in the family has wanted me to do something else, and get all dejected when I tell them no. Oh well, thats the way the cookie crumbles, but hopefully we can find our own place and move in soonish.

on to.. work. BLEH.

Basket ball games

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 13:14:57 GMT

I went with my father in law to a basketball game last night for Rollins College. How very interesting it was. I dont think that I will truly ever understand what can make people... become that. Fans screaming horrible remarks that would make even me want to punch them to death, coaches screaming at the players, at the refs, at everyone else... It was all quite revealing. Me and my angel have this thing... she believes that man kind is inherently good, and on some level I do too, but I also believe in the immense evil of mankind. Last night was teh best description of what I believe mankind is ALL like, deep inside somewhere, and they happen to let it out in public during these sporting events.

Its something that I will have to put in my novels... the true nature of humans during sporting events....

Interestingly enough, the PLAYERS were the only ones that weren't screaming and yelling something. They showed the most sportsmanship out of all of them.

kinda back

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 13:13:36 GMT

well its a been a long time - I am happily married now, but not so happy with my career. This job, while it was cool, deciuded to turn around and dick me in the ass. Or maybeI should say, my fellow employees and employers decided to turn around and dick me in the ass. Its a long story that has left me pissed off and resentful towards them all. Right now, I am using them for money. thats all. Maybe a LOT of money in the future, but for now, just using them for money.

What I have decided, is this. I asked myself a question... the question was - How do you want to be succeeful in life? Do you want to be under the burden of someone else claiming ownership of the work you have put in? DO you want to always be under the thumb of someone who says that they made it happen for me, and therefore I must be eternally grateful?

OR

Do I want to put together a world of my own making? Do I want to use the talents that God gave me, maybe honed with school, maybe (probably) not? Do I want to spend my days under someone else's guidance, or spend my days creating worlds in which I am God, and I control everything that happens?

The answer is, fuck them all. I want to control my own destiny. According to my religious preference, I am supposed to do that, and I am supposed to take control of my own being ANYWAY. So the answer is, I am writing again. But now I am writing for a different purpose. I used to write to want to make money, or a living at it. Right now, I make a living by being a kick around boy for a bunch of prideful egotistical arrogant fuck heads who could give a shit less about me personally. I write now, because I can't control the world I live in, I barely have a handle on trying to hold on while it spins. I write now because I can escape into that other world, and I CAN control the things that happen there. I can do whatever I want in there. I write to escape, I write because it feels fun, and hell its a god damn good way to pass the time.

I write now, without rules, without regulations. Fuck them - How can they tell me how to write a good story? Thats what editing is for anyway. I write freely, without feeling like I need to sound like this or that, or that anything different than the words of King and Koontz are stupid and I wont hear them. I write like I want. I dont write any longer, to make a book as fast paced as this one, or that one. I dont want to mimic anyone. Right now, I just want to write.

But I must go now, the arrogant wish to "teach me their ways" so tht maybe, they hope, I might one day learn to be as arrogant, but not obviously arrogant, as they are.

PS look forward to more updates on a regular basis

Getting hitched! :)

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 17:02:25 GMT

Been a hella long time since I updated. Got all my computer shit under control, so for now, no technical updates. Not that anyone read those anyways LOL

3 weeks away is my wedding to my new love, my Angel. I am nervous cuz sometimes those old wounds remind me of what happened last time. But this time its different. I actually WANT my angel. I have been with her a year, living with her, and nothign happened like it did before. I dont see warning signs, I dont have any flags on the play. She has done nothing but enrich my life and make it far more enjoyable ever since I met her. She is truly my best friend AND my lover. I could not imagine a more perfect match for me.

It was a little over a year ago that I got divorced. Have I ever been truly sad? no. My Angel has touched a part of me that I didnt know I had and has truly made me realize that true and deep love, and real relationships can exist. I never imagined such a thing as a perfect mate until I got together with her. And now we get to proclaim to everyone our perfection. I can sit here at times, and think forward to the future, when we have children, little kids running around, screaming "Daddy's home!" or "MOmmy's home!!". I can see us trying to teach our children how to poop, how to read, how to drive, how to deal with a new job. And everytime I see my angel by my side, and me welcoming her there. I feel secure that if I had a child with her right now, that her and I could still emotionally handle it. I know that she is strong enough to stand by me and I am strong enough to stand by her. I feel that we are equals, instead of me being in control.

and I know that she would be faithful for our entire lives together.

She is the most beautiful person, inside and outside, that I have ever had the pleasure to meet, and I thank god, that somehow, she fell in love with me. That's a gift I shan't take for granted.

3 weeks, and I can't hardly wait.

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 14:53:39 GMT

I think I am going to crack.

on top of juggling family issues abroad (my father lost his job and apparently isnt able to find another one so I am going to have to help somehow with getting them around to the wedding)

I found out that I owe the IRS several thousand dollars and they want it now. SO I am having to take care of that, and having to fix my paycheck so that it is correct so that I dont ever owe the IRS after this. But that means that We can no longer afford to live... anywhere except for mom's. And that means that I have to stick all of my shit into storage and mash my life into a tiny 10X11 room. This means nothign to do when and if I have spare time. I hate that, and it is a huge weight on me. But I have to try to smile through it.

Speaking of that... I work 7 days a week, and usually 9 hours a day of all of those days. When I come home I cook dinner. Every morning when I wake up I have to figure out what I am going to do for dinner , lunch, etc that day and make sure its all ready so that my love can have dinner. She has been sick the last week or so and I have been taking care of her with whatever is in my capacity.

I am also spending all the free time I have, if I am not sick with a headache, etc on the wedding, planning for it, trying to get the ceremony parts written, trying to get the invitations done. I am also trying to make sure that I can get everyone here for the wedding itself.

At my work I am in charge of a multi-million dollar project that if it goes well, and that is up to me, will make us all very rich. However the entire future of the company is sitting in my hands, with two projects. and now they are starting to let people go with gives me MORE responsibilities, with the same amount of pay. The same amount that isnt enough to make it so that I have my OWN roof over my head.

and so she comes and tells me today that I dont help out or help her unless its conveinant for me. What she doesnt understand is that it is NEVER convienant for me. I have NO spare time as it is. I have no time to relax - this past week has been 100% of the time go go go, think think think. I have no time for myself this week, or next, or next weekend, or even next month. its all tooo much and she is asking for more from me. this is all I really have.

HOWEVER - SHE is the most important thing to me, so if I need to drop something to be more attentive or helpful to her, I will. The question is, what to drop? I can juggle all I can juggle right now. More means that I need to drop something. What to drop? I guess thats what I need to figure out today.

I love her, I love her more than life, and I won't let anything come between us. If she feels that I am not being all that I should be, then I need to step it up and make room for her. Is it ok, or chivalrus to sacrifice one's own me-time for another? I think so, but rather, I would rather sacrifice something else, cuz when I have no me-time I go crazy and she takes the blunt of that.

God help me, right. GOt nothing left, no room. Too much pressure....

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 00:59:41 GMT

YAY - update!!!

well we got Chillispot successfully ported to the WRT54G, and successfully capturing internet requests. We also got it to connect to open radius which is running on a mysql backend.

We no longer need a VPN connection into it, becuase my boss found a web component that will allow a terminal services connection into the terminal cluster. So everything will be web based from teh thin client onwards.

YAY!!! onto the next step - time modifications.

D